I share my light, he shares his darkness. He loves me but I am his escape.
I’ve figure out that he loves me but I might just be the escape to his current reality..... I’ve been tussling back-and-forth for weeks and yesterday the light shined bright in my face. Shined so bright showing me that their is nothing I am gaining from this situational “love”, I am only losing the positive parts of myself because I feel drained. I had removed my personal focus on what is important for me to build forward. That’s my fault because when you fall in love, you fall in love....but love needs to water your seed and not only give you partial sunlight because the relationship will not grow and you will stop growing. I will always appreciate that someone cared for me but deep down in my heart I feel that I am only there to help them escape what they don’t want to live. Based on his situation, I see no effort on his part on making his life different... so from my vantage point, I can only think that he will stay in that life and I am only in his life to be his escape from that reality because he is not actively seeking to change his own reality regardless if I am in his life or not. In a relationship built on me being his escape, it is like I am the fruit juice in their fridge and he only takes me out when he are thirsty but leave me alone in the dark when I’m not needed.